How do I get to know myself better? 8 ways to find the true you
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
If you're feeling disconnected or are just curious to get to know yourself better, it may be time for some self-discovery. These 7 questions are a great place to start.
Have you looked at your surroundings lately, or even just sat alone with your own thoughts, and asked yourself, “Who am I?”
Maybe some things have shifted in your life, like a new job, a relationship change, becoming a parent, or losing someone close to you, and now it seems like you’re not the same person you used to be no matter how hard you try to search for the old you.
It’s completely normal to go through phases in life where you feel you’ve lost touch with who you really are. Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns, and our circumstances are bound to change. Although self-discovery isn’t always easy, there are some ways to reconnect with your truest self.
We’ll walk you through the steps you can take to get to know yourself again, discover what you really want, and who you really are. And it might not be as hard as you think.
What does it mean to get to know yourself?
Getting to know yourself means discovering what makes you happy, what frustrates you, what excites you, and what your dreams and passions are.
The everyday stuff—like your favorite food, the clothes you like, or the music you enjoy singing in the shower—matters. But really getting to know yourself means going beyond the surface to figure out your strengths and weaknesses, your fears and hopes, your quirks, and what really drives you to pursue your goals.
How can you get to know yourself?
The secret to getting to know yourself is being honest with yourself about who you are and what you want out of life. This can be tough sometimes — especially if you’ve been used to living by what others expect of you or are a recovering people pleaser like so many of us.
The more honest you are about what you want and how you feel, the more you can connect to your true self. This honesty can help you live a life that feels authentic, even if it means making choices that aren’t always easy.
Why is it good to get to know yourself?
When you figure out what you truly value and what makes you feel fulfilled—and do it without worrying about what other people think or expect from you—you can make decisions that feel right! And they hopefully feel right because they’re based on what you really need and want.
This can mean it becomes easier to say no to things that don’t suit you and yes to opportunities that make sense for your life.
You might start to notice patterns in your behavior that help explain why you react in certain ways or feel certain emotions. Are there particular situations that always leave you feeling frustrated or anxious? When you understand these emotional triggers, you can start to handle those feelings with more awareness and control.
How long does it take to find out who you truly are?
Getting to know yourself is a continuous journey that never ends — and that’s the best part. You’re constantly growing and evolving, which is a good thing! What you value or enjoy today might not be the same as what you loved five years ago. So, stay curious and be open to learning more about yourself each day, and stay open to the possibility of change.
Embrace every part of who you are every day. Accept your imperfections, celebrate your unique qualities, and understand that you’re enough, just as you are. By taking the time to understand yourself better, you can build a life that feels meaningful and true to you, no matter the stage of life you’re in at the time.
7 questions to ask to know yourself better
One of the best ways to start getting to know yourself better is by asking yourself thoughtful questions to help you dig deeper into your values, emotions, and desires through self-reflection.
Keep in mind that your answers might change over time, so it’s okay if they don’t align today with who you were years or even months ago. You’re always growing and evolving, so be excited to revisit these questions for a lifetime of self-discovery.
What are my core values? Core values are the principles that shape the way you think, make decisions, and live your life.
What do I enjoy doing the most? Think about what lights you up inside, brings you joy, and something that makes time fly by.
What are my biggest strengths and weaknesses? Reflect on what you’re naturally good at and what you could spend a bit more time refining, like listening or saying no.
What are my emotional triggers? Become clear on what causes you stress, anxiety, or anger, and come up with a system that protects you from experiencing unwanted emotions.
What are my fears or insecurities? Identifying what makes you feel vulnerable can help you get a clearer picture of who you are.
What do I want to achieve in life? Make a list of your goals, whether they’re professional achievements, personal goals, or even fitness goals.
Who am I when no one is watching? How you behave when you’re alone can give you a great idea of who you are to your core. Perhaps you’re a bookworm or someone who values comfortability. Maybe you’re a social butterfly or someone who loves to be surrounded by nature or laughter from family and friends.
The answers to these questions can reveal your truest, most authentic self, showing what matters most to you and what you enjoy doing just for you, not for anyone else.
“How do I know myself better?” 8 ways to learn and connect with your true self
If you’re looking to get to know yourself better, there are several steps you can take to inch one step closer to your most authentic self. The better you know yourself, the more fulfilling life becomes, and the more clear you’ll be on your goals, your wants and needs, and everything in-between. A win!
1. Write down your feelings in a journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help explore your inner self in a safe, private space. Use your journal to record your day and explore how different parts of it made you feel, or any questions you’re struggling with. There’s no need to follow any rules — just write freely and honestly as you process your emotions and reflect on your personal growth.
Look back at your entries occasionally and notice any patterns in your thoughts and behaviors: these might give you deeper insight into who you are.
2. Make time for meditation and mindfulness
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judging it. It’s about noticing your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without trying to change or control them. Being mindful can mean you become more aware of your inner world, which can help you understand yourself better.
Practice mindfulness by taking a few moments each day to focus on your breath during a meditation, or simply notice how you feel during everyday activities like eating or walking (here are five more ways to practice mindfulness every day). This can help you recognize your emotions and thoughts more clearly, so you can understand who you are and how you react to the world.
💙 Try a guided meditation like Tamara Levitt’s Mindful Walking exercise.
3. Seeking feedback from people you trust
Sometimes, those closest to you can see things about you that you might not notice yourself. Talk to trusted friends, family, or mentors for valuable insight into your strengths, personality traits, and patterns of behavior. An outside perspective can help you see yourself from a different angle.
Ask them questions like, “What do you think I’m really good at?” or, “How would you describe me to someone else?” or, “What areas do you think I might improve?”
Listen to their feedback with an open mind, but remember that it’s just one piece of the puzzle in knowing yourself best.
4. Step outside your comfort zone and try new experiences
Step outside your comfort zone and try out new activities, start new hobbies, or experience new places. This can be a great way to learn more about yourself and discover what you enjoy and what you don’t. If shyness prevents you from trying something new, here are 11 ways to overcome it.
Maybe you’ll realize you have a talent for cooking, have a knack for picking up a new language, or find a thrill in rock climbing. Hey, you’ll never know unless you try!
New experiences push you to grow by helping you identify your strengths and uncover new interests. They might also give you a fresh perspective that sparks new ideas about who you are and what you want.
💙 Discover what’s on the other side of fear by Taking the Exquisite Risk in this meditation with Tara Brach.
5. Spend some time alone to self-reflect
Be alone, without the distractions of other people or technology, and reflect on your thoughts and feelings.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to being around others all the time, but spending time alone can help you tune in to your inner voice.
Use this time to do something you enjoy, like gardening, walking, or simply sitting quietly. You might be surprised by how much clarity you gain when you give yourself the gift of undisturbed time. Try these 20 questions to get you started on your journey toward self-reflection.
6. Practicing gratitude and focus on the positives
Paying attention to the positives in your life can shift your focus to what's truly important and enhance your awareness of what brings you joy.
Every day, make a list of at least three things you’re grateful for. These could be as simple as a warm cup of coffee in the morning, a kind word from a friend, or the beauty of a sunset. Over time, you’ll likely find your list grows longer and more varied as you get used to tuning in to the good things around you. Plus, this can boost your mood too.
💙 Check out our 7 Days of Gratitude meditation series for a step-by-step guide on how to focus on what you’re grateful for.
7. Set personal goals to achieve what matters to you
Setting goals can be a great way to focus on what’s important to you and help you move toward becoming the person you want to be. Think about what you want to achieve in different areas of your life — like in your career, relationships, health, or personal growth.
Break your goals down into smaller, manageable steps and give yourself deadlines so you can track your progress. Achieving these goals, no matter how small, can give you a sense of accomplishment and help you understand what drives you. Try these eight tips for setting (and achieving) personal goals.
The process of working toward your goals can also reveal new strengths and teach you more about what you’re capable of.
8. Be kind to yourself, even on your hardest days
It can be easy to be your own worst critic, but harsh self-judgment can get in the way of truly knowing and accepting yourself. So, make it a point to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d show a friend.
As you try different ways of knowing yourself better, approach them with an open mind and kindness toward yourself. When you make a mistake or feel down, remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect — everyone is.
By showing yourself compassion, you can create a safe space to explore your emotions, fears, and insecurities without feeling overwhelmed by shame or guilt. So accept and embrace every part of who you are, and you can find true self-awareness.
💙 Give yourself an extra dose of love with support from our Loving-Kindness guided meditation.
How do I know myself better FAQs
What are some good daily habits for improving self-awareness?
To improve your self-awareness, make it a habit to regularly tune into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Try starting each day with mindfulness and take a few minutes in the morning to check in with how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. This can set a calm tone for the day and make it easier to be aware of your thoughts as the day goes on.
Set small intentions for each day so you can give your days purpose. Decide to focus on paying attention to how you react in stressful situations, or try to notice when you feel the happiest. These small moments of awareness can add up and give you a clearer picture of who you are and what influences your behavior.
Try ending your day with journaling and write down how your day went, what emotions you felt, and any thoughts that stood out. This can help you recognize patterns in yourself.
How can I differentiate between my true self and external expectations?
Family, friends, or society can have many expectations of you. The challenge is figuring out whether you’re making decisions based on what you genuinely want or because you feel pressured by others. Learning to recognize your own values and desires—separate from others’ expectations—can help you make choices that feel more authentic to who you really are.
Ask yourself how a decision makes you feel. Do you feel excited, calm, or aligned with your values? Or do you feel tense and anxious, or like you’re doing something just to avoid disappointing someone else?
Reflect on your motivations when you’re faced with a choice. It can help to pause and ask yourself, “Is this something I truly want, or am I trying to meet someone else’s standards?”
Visualize what life would look like if you followed your true desires. Take some time to consider how that would feel. Would you feel more fulfilled or at peace? It’s important to ask yourself these questions.
What role does self-compassion play in knowing myself better?
Self-compassion can play a huge role in getting to know yourself because it creates a safe, non-judgmental space for you to explore your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
When you’re hard on yourself, it can be difficult to truly see who you are because you might be focused on trying to “fix” yourself or live up to impossible standards.
But when you approach your self-discovery journey with compassion, you’re more likely to embrace all parts of yourself — both the bits you like, and the ones you might want to work on. This doesn’t mean ignoring areas where you want to grow, but being gentle with yourself along the way.
So, instead of criticizing yourself for mistakes or imperfections, self-compassion lets you learn from those experiences without harsh judgment.
How can practicing gratitude help in self-discovery?
Gratitude can help shift your focus to the positive aspects of your life, so it can be pretty handy in self-discovery.
When you regularly practice gratitude, you start to notice the things that truly matter to you — like your relationships, your health, or small moments of joy throughout the day. This can reveal what you value most in life and what brings you happiness and fulfillment.
Write down three things you’re thankful for each day to help you become more mindful of what’s good around you. Over time, you’ll start to notice patterns in what you appreciate, which can give you clues about your priorities and what makes you feel content. You can also give these 10 gratitude exercises a try.
Gratitude can also help ground you in the present moment, which can make it easier to see what parts of your life align with your true self. By focusing on what you’re thankful for, you can better understand what brings you joy and what feels meaningful to you.
What is shadow work, and how can it help me understand my subconscious mind?
Shadow work involves exploring the hidden or suppressed parts of yourself — often referred to as your “shadow.” These are the parts of your personality that you may not fully accept, and you might even be unaware of them, like insecurities, fears, or traits you were taught to avoid.
While it can be uncomfortable to face these aspects of yourself, learning about them can help you see how they influence your behavior and emotions. You might discover that a fear of rejection causes you to avoid certain social situations, or that an unresolved insecurity makes you react defensively in certain relationships.
Shadow work can be done through journaling, therapy, or even meditation, and it can lead to profound personal growth. As you learn to accept your shadow, you become more whole. And this means you can get to know yourself more fully — both your light and your darker sides. Once you embrace your complete self, you can live more authentically.
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