Listening to others: 5 ways to become a better listener
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Master the skill of listening and deepen your relationships. Our 5 techniques help you become a better listener through mindfulness, empathy, and self-awareness.
It’s one thing to hear someone. It’s another to actually listen. You’ve probably been on the receiving end of both: the distracted nods during a conversation, or the kind of rapt attention that makes you feel like your words matter. Real listening is rare in a distracted world, but when it happens, it helps deepen the connection and trust with the people you love.
When you put effective communication into practice, you not only get better at hearing people out but also become more in tune with your own inner voice — which can lead to deeper empathy, stronger connections, and an increased ability to stay in the present moment.
Practicing mindful listening, positive body language, and asking open-ended questions can transform everyday conversations. Let’s dive deeper into these practical ways to become a better listener and connect more deeply with the people around you.
When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.
― The Dalai Lama
Why mindful listening matters
In mindfulness practice, compassionate listening isn't just an exercise–it's a way of life. It teaches us that you don't necessarily need to find a solution to suffering, understanding and empathy are often enough.
Mastering these techniques equips you with the emotional intelligence to not only understand others deeply, but to also create meaningful conversations. It's a win-win situation. You gain insights into the human psyche while others feel heard, valued, and understood. In doing so, you'll find that the quality of your interactions will improve, leading to stronger, more meaningful relationships both personally and professionally.
At the same time as you work on listening to others, try turning that same attention and empathy toward yourself. Listening to your thoughts and emotions is key to learning to actually feel your feelings, which can help with processing them. As you listen compassionately, both to yourself and others, you’ll probably find that things begin to feel less heavy.
💙 Got an anxious friend and don’t know how to help? Listening is a big part of how you can help a friend with anxiety or depression. Or, to learn more about how to fill your relationships with mindfulness, check out our Relationships with Others series.
The difference between hearing and truly listening
Hearing is easy. Sound comes in and your brain registers the words. Truly listening is harder, because it asks you to get out of your own head long enough to take in someone else's.
Usually something gets in the way. You're forming your reply before they finish, or a comment pokes at something tender and you get defensive. A lot of it starts with your own running commentary, a mind too busy to take much in. Which is where mindfulness can help. When you notice your attention drifting, gently bring it back to the person in front of you. A short breathing pause before a hard conversation can quiet that noise enough to let someone in.
Ready to put these ideas into practice? Our active listening techniques (with examples) walk you through step-by-step ways to use them in real conversations.
5 ways to become a more mindful listener
Listening carefully is about more than just hearing words. It's about using your senses, your intuition, and your intellect to understand and respond kindly to others. Here are five techniques that will help you become a better listener.
1. Notice what's happening inside you
Before you can fully hear someone, it helps to notice your own state. Distraction, defensiveness, or already rehearsing your response all pull you out of the conversation before it starts.
How to practice:
Take a quick mental check-in before you respond. Ask yourself if you're truly present or somewhere else in your head. Naming that to yourself takes its power away and lets you set your own noise aside, so you can turn toward the other person with a clearer mind.
💙 Listening, from our Relationship With Others Series, can help you practice tuning in without getting lost in your own thoughts.
2. Practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes
Empathy is the art of placing yourself in someone else's shoes and understanding their feelings and perspectives. Try not to judge. Instead, be fully present, offer a listening ear, and tune in to the other person's emotional state.
How to practice:
Ask the person how they are and then practice empathy. Imagine how they must feel and let yourself feel it yourself. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to simply hold space without trying to problem solve. Rather than going into fix-it mode you can ask if they'd like comfort or solutions. This will help you know how best to support them and show them that you are there to support their feelings, not just demonstrate your own knowledge.
💙 Practice Holding Space with Tamara Levitt to learn how to be fully present with someone's pain without feeling the pull to fix it.
3. Listen to your own thoughts and emotions, too
The same attention you give others is worth turning inward. When you can sit with your own feelings without rushing to fix them, you get better at sitting with someone else's. Self-awareness and empathy grow together.
How to practice:
Set aside a few quiet minutes to check in with how you're really feeling, without trying to change it. The more honestly you listen to yourself, the more naturally you'll do it for the people around you.
💙 Turn the attention inward with Checking In With Yourself, a five-minute practice with Prof. Megan Reitz to help you hear what's actually going on inside you.
4. Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions encourage a more in-depth response than yes-or-no questions and invite the speaker to share more about their feelings or situation. They signal that you're curious about the person, not just collecting facts, which often helps them feel safe enough to open up.
How to practice:
Notice when a question can only be answered with a yes or no, and try widening it. Something like "What was that like for you?" gives the other person room to take the conversation where they need it to go. Then resist the urge to jump in with your own take. Let their answer lead to the next question.
5. Remove distractions to help you listen more mindfully
Being present in the moment allows you to listen more effectively. When someone in your life needs you to really listen it's the perfect time to silence your notifications, turn off the radio or TV and just tune into them and their feelings.
How to practice:
Put your phone away, close your laptop, and give the speaker your undivided attention. A genuine attempt to ignore distractions shows respect for the other person and creates a safe space for open, honest communication.
💙 If phone-away-eyes-forward still feels hard, let Jay Shetty walk you through Listening Deeply on the Daily Jay, a seven-minute reset for giving someone your whole attention.
Listening to others FAQ
How can I be a better listener?
You can be a better listener by focusing fully on the speaker, using active listening cues like nodding and summarizing, and avoiding interruptions. Practice patience, ask clarifying questions, and show thoughtfulness in your responses.
More than anything, tune into what they’re actually saying and invest your empathy in how they feel. This can help you stay active in your listening.
What makes someone a good listener?
A good listener creates space for others to speak without judgment, hears and processes their words, maintains eye contact, and responds thoughtfully. They listen with the intent to understand—not just to reply—making conversations more meaningful.
How do I become a better listener in relationships?
In relationships, being a better listener means giving your partner undivided attention, validating their feelings, and resisting the urge to offer solutions unless asked. This helps build trust and deepens emotional connection.
Why is listening to others important?
Listening to others builds respect, strengthens relationships, and prevents misunderstandings. It shows that you value the other person’s perspective and creates a more supportive environment for communication.
Truly listening to someone you care about and having a thoughtful conversation with them can strengthen your bond and show the other person that you are a supportive space for them during times of need.
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